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Overcoming loneliness involves using a certain set of techniques.
So, now you have coped with loneliness, gotten tired of coping, you have made deals with loneliness and decided that volunteering offers the best opportunities for dealing with loneliness.
You have volunteered a bit and...
...found that it doesn't do much for alleviating your loneliness quickly. It offers you human contact right away but it doesn't give you the fast results you were hoping for.
Using some reverse psychology, I have made a list of causes called "you will not have much success in overcoming loneliness if ..."
The cures to that kind of thought process are listed under the causes.
Here is the list:
Causes and Cures 1 to 10:
1. Cause: You are not really interested in overcoming loneliness. Loneliness bothers you, but you are already in an intimate relationship, you like your solitude and deep inside, you do not really want to associate with people because... (you can fill in your reason here.)
Cure: If, in your heart of hearts, you do not want to overcome your loneliness, then whatever efforts you make will be half hearted and destined to fail. So you might want to focus your efforts on deciding whether you want to focus on overcoming loneliness or you are better off remaining with the status quo.
2. Cause: Life is comfortable, running your way and you would rather continue the lifestyle you have. Lots of activity of any kind bothers you anyway.
Cure: Focus on deciding if your comfort with your current situation is more important than overcoming loneliness and act according to your decision.
3. Cause: When any one tells you anything, you consider it nagging and you don't like it.
Cure: When we associate with others our rough edges get knocked off and we get along smoothly with others. People 'telling us something' is part of that smoothing process. Realize that having a mate involves being at the receiving end of at least a little 'nagging.'
4. Cause: You would rather continue to find solace in alcohol and drugs.
Cure: The cure lies in leaving alcohol and drugs.
5. Cause: You are feeling lazy.
Cure: Laziness can be a major contributor to a person's loneliness. For overcoming loneliness, lots of social action is necessary.
6. Cause: You would rather not have any involvement with religion.
Cure: Religion provides an easy path to socializing with other people.
7. Cause: You disagree with society's outlook in total.
Cure: You can be the civilized change you want in your society.
8. Cause: You agree with society a lot and do everything just to please society and your close relatives.
Cure: You are free to do what pleases you within the normal rules of society.
9. Cause: People don't like you anyway, you just don't have a personality that people like.
Cure: You are free to change your 'personality' at a moment's notice and observe how people respond differently to you.
10. Cause: People are so stupid. They turn you off terribly.
Cure: Try this:- Go to www.anicechat.net and chat with random people. If a chatter turns you off, discontinue the chat. Keep doing that with the goal of getting a few good friends to chat with. That will give you a way to practice engaging with people until you get used to dealing with people.
Causes and Cures 11 to 20:
11. Cause: You are disabled. You feel that people avoid you because of your disability. You avoid people because of your disability.
Cure: It may be close to impossible to do, but if you can look past your disability, you make it possible for others to look past your disability and become friends with you.
12. Cause: You are ill. People don't really want to be around a sick person. You feel that if people leave you alone, you will soon get better.
Cure: When you are ill you need more people around you. Having many people around you, praying for your recovery will help you in overcoming your sickness and in overcoming loneliness.
13. Cause: You don't like to give a lot, because most people are takers. They just take and take and take. You say to yourself, you are going to give but in a limited manner.
Cure: Just make sure that you give something every day. Giving something every day will cause you to perform a social action every day and any of those social actions could result in something that will help you in overcoming loneliness.
14. Cause: Making friends is too much work. You put in your time, effort and your money and friends just take advantage of you and then ignore you when it is time to party. If you are worth having as a friend, people will seek you out.
Cure: Only the funny and vivacious people get sought out. For the rest of us, sociable actions and efforts is what results in friendships.
15. Cause: Everything about people is all negative any way.
Cure: One of the symptoms of loneliness is a negative bias in the thought process. Overcome your loneliness and find your way to friendship and companionship.
16. Cause: You have just left home and arrived at the university. You think you will have friends soon, it is automatic. Just like it was back home.
Cure: A university environment is different from back home. You may have to make efforts to ensure you make new friends.
17. Cause: You are lonely because you have a night shift job. Once you get a day job, everything will be O.K. and you will have friends.
Cure: Yes, night shift jobs do cause loneliness. If practical and possible, make a concerted effort to move over to a day shift job. If that turns out to be difficult to achieve, make a big effort to use your off time to engage in social activities, if possible. Considerable resourcefulness is required for overcoming loneliness caused by a night shift job.
18. Cause: You are not really lonely. You don't want to admit to anyone, including yourself, that you are lonely.
Cure: To find out if you are really lonely or not, buy the book, "loneliness Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection " by John T. Cacioppo and William Patrick" and measure the level of your loneliness by using a psychological assessment tool called the UCLA Loneliness Scale which is on page 6. On page 271, the authors explain how to score your assessment. Or you could have a psychologist give you the same assessment. You can view a short video by Dr. John T. Cacioppo by clicking on Overcoming Loneliness.
19. Cause: You don't want to chat online. You have read that chatting online doesn't really help a person's loneliness.
Cure: That is an old fashioned idea. Chatting on the web, if done right, is one of the better methods of overcoming loneliness.
20. Cause: You are new in your city. Your circumstances are causing you to be lonely. Once you settle down, getting friends will be automatic.
Cure: Making new friends may or may not be automatic. It would be a good idea to have a plan of action that will result in new friends.
Causes and Cures 21 to 30:
21. Cause: You have enough friends via email. You don't need to do take any other steps to relieve your loneliness.
Cure: Friendships that are only online friendships only supplement off line friendships. If all your friendships are online you will start to feel lonely.
22. Cause: You are afraid of loneliness. If you make any changes, your loneliness may worsen.
Cure: People usually put off surgery until the affliction becomes intolerable. It may work the same way with loneliness. When the loneliness becomes intolerable, you are likely to become willing to make changes.
23. Cause: You have been terribly wronged. You will seeks friends after you have taken revenge against those who wronged you.
Cure: Holding grudges hurts only the grudge holder. Forgive and move on to overcoming loneliness.
24. Cause: You can handle your loneliness yourself, you don't need to get help.
Cure: Being lonely is like having your social life wrecked. Most people in a wreck appreciate all the help that comes their way.
25. Cause: Letter writing is old fashioned. Hardly any one does it any more.
Cure: It is a good idea to adopt all new methods of making friends. However, letter writing has a way of easing one's lonely mind and of putting one in a mood to take action to overcome loneliness.
26. Cause: Writing journals is a waste of time. Journal writing doesn't help. You have tried it!
Cure: Try it again! One aspect of loneliness is that lonely people give up more easily compared to un-lonely people.
27. Cause: Nothing is going to work getting rid of your loneliness. You feel you are permanently lonely.
Cure: If you truly believe that about yourself, and you continue to take social actions, you may surprise yourself, get lucky and suddenly find yourself un-lonely.
28. Cause: Once your lonely heart has been broken, it is not going to recover!
Cure: Not even if a much better person than your former beloved starts to pay you a lot of attention? See, your broken heart can recover under certain circumstances!
29. Cause: Since you are a lonely housewife, this is your fate and you have to live with your loneliness.
Cure: When was the last time you checked with your fate writer about yor fate for the rest of your life?
30. Cause: Women are so different these days, there is no hope for a lonely man like you.
Cure: Aren't there many women your age? Have they changed with the times and you haven't?
Causes and Cures 31 to 35:
31. Cause: Online forums are not much help, it is just a bunch of lonely people complaining!
Cure: Once you figure out how to look past the complainers, you can be in a position to receive the specialized information that occasionally comes along in forums. That specialized information can help you in overcoming your loneliness.
32. There is no point in self improvement. If you are not liked the way you are, then you don't want to be liked.
Cure: The point of self improvement is to get involved in activities that are social and social activities quite often result in friendships and relationships.
33. Support groups are for people with a problem they need help with. You don't need help resolving your loneliness.
Cure: It is quite possible to be in a support group and provide support instead of looking for help. Being in a support group can result in your being available for friendships and relationships.
34. Singles dating is for the off line world. Singles dating online doesn't work, you don't really know who you are chatting with.
Cure: That idea has been proven wrong by eharmony.com which results in several relationships and marriages each year.
35. You are set in your ways. It is too late for you to change. You are not going to change.
Cure: Are you going to make yourself available for potential mates who are looking for people who are set in their ways and do not want to change? If so, you need to take actions to let such people know you are available and give yourself the best chance of overcoming loneliness.
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