Married But Lonely. What To Do About It.

American National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

Married but lonely people are married people who communicate poorly or not at all. Their differences may be trivial and a few or major and large in number.

The differences can be about money,

respect, emotions, religion, sex, celibacy, lack of physical contact, personal idiosyncrasies, personal power, growing apart, health issues, computer use, computer games, pets, sports, bickering, bad choices, workaholism, alcoholism and any number of other issues.

Those couples that remain married because they cannot afford to move are very likely to experience loneliness as part of the hellish experience of being in a failed marriage.

Some people stay in a marriage because...

...of a fear of loneliness that may happen after they get a divorce. However, if they knew that there are specific steps a lonely person can take to overcome loneliness, they would lose that fear. A person can also go to a therapist to get over such fears.

Others feel lonely in a marriage because...

...they have become very familiar with their partner and can predict the actions of the partner in any given situation. First they get bored and then they start to feel lonely.

Emotional abuse or emotional cruelty from either partner can drive the other partner away and into loneliness.

Strangely, the big difficulty in recognizing marriages that have failed, is the months and years it takes to come to that realization.

Quite often women are married but lonely because...

...of lack of intimacy, lack of sex or because men don't understand women very well. They also make no effort to read up on the matter and learn how to understand their wives.

The lack of social or family support outside the marriage makes matters worse and causes alienation within the marriage.


Another thing that is common with people who are in failed marriages is a negative bias in their thought processes.

Just because a person is married and lonely doesn't mean the marriage has failed. Lonely people need to communicate the reasons for the loneliness and solutions that will work for them.

Quite often people are not able to communicate in a constructive way because one or both do not have the communication skills. They end up hurting each other with words. However, once the words are spoken, cannot be taken back.

If they are are not able to communicate in a constructive manner they need to get the help of a counselor to learn the needed communication skills.  

Thus it is obvious that...

...the way out of loneliness for the married but lonely is via the highway called communication.

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