Fifty causes of lonesomeness - Ever since E. L. James published the famous Fifty Shades trilogy, I suppose everything has fifty shades. Many people are interested in finding out about the different types of loneliness, but I haven't been able to find a comprehensive list anywhere.
Even though the list could be a long one, I can make a start by creating the Fifty Causes of Lonesomeness list. You are welcome to add to the list by writing to me at firstname.lastname@example.org
1. Not in the clique in high school. It just feels more comfortable in a clique or at least a group of like minded fellow students. The solution may be to join clubs that are about matters that interest you.
2. Lonely in college. Now that hurts. Colleges know that students have left their familiar surroundings and some of the students are going to feel lonely. If you don't find a few friends within ten to twelve weeks, use the help that your college provides.
3. Lonely as a single. Usually, you are a single as soon as you arrive in college. However, once you leave college and have not gotten married yet, your singledom has officially started. With all that brain training in college you are expected to know how to find yourself a compatible mate. Except there was no course in college called "How to find a compatible and awesome mate." Well, get on Google, find out how to do it and then do it.
4. Lonely on the job. Graduating from college means getting a job. Having found a job you find out that most of the people on the job are either married, broken or too busy. Looks like you will have to use Google and your own resourcefulness to find yourself a mate.
Don't forget to keep in touch with any friends you made in college, even after they have gotten married.
5. Lonely in the night shift. You couldn't find a job so you accepted a night shift job. Please accept my sympathies. I feel sorry for those folks who have to work the night shift. The only solution I can suggest is to get very motivated to find a day time job.
That way many different people spend just a few months working the night shift. One alternative may be to meet up with nurses who like working the night shift.
6. Lonely because of job related travel. Some people find job related travel exciting.
However, ask some truck drivers. That much travel can be very hard on a person and also cause the person to be lonely. The solution may be to get very good at the job, even if it is truck driving, so that you can demand and get three or four contiguous days free during the week. Then you can do something during your off days to keep up with people and avoid loneliness.
7. Lonely because of job location. People in submarines will tell you they are part of a team but they also need a different kind of companionship. A close approximation for that kind of companionship would be online companionship but even that may or may not be available on a submarine. While being on a submarine is an extreme case of loneliness because of job location, most of us just need to realize that job location can contribute to loneliness and we need to take steps to overcome loneliness caused by it.
8. Loneliness because of isolation. Isolation of a human being can happen because of physical or mental reasons. If you are isolated from the people you would like to be with, then you are likely to experience loneliness. Two of the solutions are to end the isolation from the people you would like to assciate with or to make new friends with the people that are around you.
9. Loneliness because of job failure. This loneliness is felt because there is no one other than yourself to provide the answers to the questions about the job failure. Also, one would like to conceal the negative feelings and doubts related to the job failure. Job support groups and volunteer activities are great for overcoming this kind of loneliness.
10. Loneliness because of love of money. People lose intimate relationships because of their love of money. Just realize that, past your set point, additional money does not bring additional happiness. So, find out what your set point is and lower it if you find that loving money is causing you to lose your intimate relationships.
11. Loneliness because of poverty. This type of loneliness is difficult to overcome. Poverty invades almost aspect of your physical and mental life and gets in the way of friendship. Obviously there is a middle path between poverty and love of money that will allow an individual to have friends and a social life.
12. Loneliness in marriage comes as a big surprise to many. The idea of doing something every day to maintain the marriage can avoid this type of loneliness.
13. Loneliness because of divorce. While it may be covered up by the other problems of a divorce, it is the problem that remains with the person after the other problems have been resolved. As soon as the urgent problems have been resolved, it would be a good idea to take action to resolve the problem of loneliness.
14. Loneliness because of loss of love is felt intensely by the person. For the most part lovers do not look back or come back. If your lover came back to you, you are one of the lucky ones. What works more often is to learn and move forward.
15. Loneliness without kids refers to the loneliness people feel when they can't or don't reproduce. It is a very deep seated and constant ache in the heart. There seems to be hardly any solution other than adopting kids.
16. Loneliness due to loss of a child is almost incomprehensible and yet some of us humans find ourselves tottering under that burden. Prayer and meditation is likely to provide the emotional and spiritual support needed.
17. Loneliness in the evenings and weekends is suffered mostly by people who don't have friends outside work. If it doesn't happen naturally, it takes some finesse to turn work friends into social friends. Learn how to do that and you will always have friends and new friends.
18. Loneliness during the nights is indicative of a lack of an intimate relationship unless the person is lonely at night while married. Insomnia contributes a lot to loneliness at night. All the problems causing lack of an intimate relationship or causing loneliness in the marriage need to be resolved before a person can overcome this kind of loneliness.
19. Lonely travellers and expatriates. After a person has travelled extensively or is an expatriate, the person can begin to feel homesick. Contact with other expatriates or contact with people back home usually takes care of this kind of loneliness for a little while.
20. Fleeting loneliness is experienced by anyone who has become separated from his/her group for a short period of time. This kind of loneliness disappears as soon as one meets up with the group.
21. Temporary loneliness is caused by temporary circumstances, such as a short term night shift job, or a hospital stay. As soon as the circumstances change, the person has an opportunity to reconnect with friends and leave the temporary loneliness behind.
22. Chronic loneliness is insidious because it creeps up on you and years pass before you realize that your loneliness is chronic. The best thing to do is to take note when you have suffered from loneliness three or four times. Investigate the matter and take action to become a sociable person.
23. Permanent loneliness is the fate of the person who lets his/her chronic loneliness go on for too long and doesn't take any action to correct the situation. However, the 'permanently lonely' person can refuse to accept the label, contact family members, look up old friends and become sociable again.
24. Fatal loneliness need not be fatal. If only the person would realize that the person can think and act his or her way out of it.
25. Loneliness during pregnancy is the most common loneliness there is and obviuosly billions of women have survived it. Joining prenatal classes and finding friendship with other expectant women is a great way of overcoming this type of loneliness.
26. Loneliness after pregnancy is an even bigger problem than loneliness during pregnancy and billions of women have survived that as well. They still appreciate any support they can receive. Keeping in touch with friends from the prenatal classes usually helps a lot.
27. Loneliness because of shyness causes a lot of stress on shy people besides causing them to miss out on the good life they could have had. Finding out how to build self-esteem and then building self-esteem is a good way to overcome shyness.
28. Loneliness because of social anxiety is just an additional burden on top of the anxiety in social situations. A strong self-esteem and some professional help should help one overcome social anxiety first and then overcome loneliness after that.
29. Loneliness because of stubbornness feels like punishment for the stubbornness. Stubbornnes is a personal trait that is not easily gotten away from. However, when your stubbornness is causing you to be lonely, you need to decide whether your lonely stubbornness feels better to you than in-company stubbornness and then act accordingly.
30. Loneliness because of selfishness. This is another type of loneliness that creeps into a person's life very silently. It takes a long time for the person to realize the reality of the situation. The recovery depends on the extent of the realization.
31. Loneliness because of arrogance occurs because the arrogance of the person is discernible in the way the person talks to his intimate partner. It is not that obvious to the arrogant person. The school of hard knocks teaches a person that there is a heavy price to pay for arrogance, including the loss of intimate relationships.
32. Loneliness because of lack of spiritual knowledge. A person with spiritual knowledge relishes solitude which facilitates communion with Divine Intelligence. Getting clear about the existence of Divine Intelligence can start the spiritual journey.
33. Loneliness because of success occurs because successful people feel comfortable in the company of equally successful people. A dose of humility would serve successful people well in finding and keeping friends from all walks of life.
34. Loneliness because of laziness. Laziness is a major cause of loneliness. Lazy people expect companionship to be served up to them just as entertainment is served up to them on television. Companionship is a contact sport with all the pitfalls and pleasures of a contact sport. Lots of social action in place of laziness provides a fast way out of loneliness.
35. Loneliness because of a short temper. A short temper is way to alienate people. The reasons an individual has a short temper are hard for the individual to isolate. It also takes a long time for the individual to figure out that it is the short temper that is to blame for the lack of worth-while companionship. Once the hard-to-overcome problem has been controlled then the person becomes available as a friend to others.
36. Loneliness because of excessive talkativeness. People who are excessively talkative are avoided by others. It is a trait that is very difficult to tolerate. If the person with this problem would simply search for "the power of silence in social situations" in Google, the person would find the right articles that would explain the power of silence in social situations. Once that power is understood, the excessive talkativeness should be greatly reduced. After that the person can find a way out of loneliness.
37. Loneliness because of intelligence. It is very difficult to find friends that are at approximately the same level of intelligence. Combined with several other social factors, some intelligent people have a difficult time finding stimulating companionship. Most intelligent people understand that one needs to find a way to have friendships with people who have other enjoyable traits even though their level of intelligence is not at a level similar to their own intelligence. Also there are many different types of intelligence.
38. Loneliness because of a fear of people. Quite often people who have been abused in childhood develop a fear of people. Combined with a low self esteem, the fear of people makes it very difficult for them to make friends. Professional psychological help, during early adulthood, would be the most beneficial for people in this situation.
39. Loneliness because of loss of a pet. After a period of mourning, some people still do not adopt another pet because of the trauma of losing the pet. However, adopting another suitable pet is quite often the best solution. Adopting another pet after seeking human companionship is an even better solution.
40. Loneliness due to chronic illness. If you throw a party despite being chronically ill, are people likely to come to your party? Yes, if they know that you are not going to talk about your illness. While it is difficult to party when you are feeling terrible because of your illness, you may feel better when you have a lot of people visiting you. Invite them to visit you one at a time, if that works better for you.
41. Loneliness because of disability. A disability can take up all of a person's time. Upon arriving at a stopping/thinking point the disabled person realizes that most of the former friendships have weakened or dissolved. Then the disabled person has to gather up energy to overcome the handicaps of the disability and also have energy to make new friends. That energy has to come from within the disabled person.
42. Loneliness because of depression. You are going to need professional medical or professional psychological help to find out if you are suffering from depression and if it is causing your loneliness. Research depression on the internet as much as you can from the point of view of making the best use of the professional help available.
43. Loneliness because of widower-hood. This type of loneliness can be fatal in a relatively short span of time. As much as a man loved his wife for more than a half century or more, the more quickly he finds another mate the better are his chances of surviving a few extra years.
44. Loneliness because of widowhood. Unless women are of a practical nature and able to take care of themselves, widowhood can be excruciatingly lonely. If the woman desires to be 'free of a man' and enjoy life', she will need to find several different avenues of social support. Unfortunately, women also need to make arrangements to remain physically secure in their windowhood.
45. Loneliness because of old age. This kind of loneliness can be heart rending. The loneliness caused by the loss of old friends, loss of relatives of their own age group, a general disconnect from the 'world' can leave older people isolated and very lonely.
Keeping in contact with other seniors at senior centers, with family members of all age groups and making a thoughtful effort to have friends in as many age groups as possible may help avoid this kind of loneliness.
46. Loneliness because of relationship violence. This type of loneliness is abject, dangerous and insidious. It creeps up on you and gets more intense but slowly. You will need your own inner strength and the help of others because it can be a pit that people never get out of.
47. Loneliness because of bulimia and other self inflicted problems. If you are having any issues that are self inflicted, realize what is happening and seek help. It is very difficult to overcome such problems without professional help.
48. Loneliness because of internal thoughts. When a person is lonely because of thoughts, the person can feel lonely even in the company of friends. Realize that we are, each one of us, unique. So it is very difficult for another human being to understand what is going on in a person's thoughts. We need each other's company even if most people cannot understand what is going on in our thoughts most of the time.
49. Loneliness because of the lack of knowledge about human nature. Once a person understands that human beings are selfish and also feel happy in the company of other human beings, then it becomes easy to seek out a few friends and overcome loneliness.
50. Loneliness because of agoraphobia. If you are afraid to leave your home because of agoraphobia, it is quite like difficult for you to keep up a social life and you are very likely to be lonely. A person needs professional help to overcome agoraphobia.
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