I can understand why many people experience fear of loneliness. I had not experienced loneliness until I was in New York in 1976. The loneliness I experienced there left an emotional scar on me. So much so, that thirty four years later, when I was searching for a subject to create a website about, I chose the subject of overcoming loneliness. Yes, loneliness hurts people emotionally and leaves emotional scars on them. People are justified in being afraid of it.
However, you don't have to give in to your fear:
Managing the fear of loneliness requires that you take a full inventory of your situation. Find out, if in fact, you have the fear. You can do that by taking this Free Online Test.
If you fear loneliness, find out the circumstances under WHICH you might become lonely. Find out WHAT you could do WHEN you become lonely. Start building layers of support - people WHO will help you when you become lonely. There is no harm in building some layers of social support now. WHY make decisions based on fear later?
There are about 86 billion neurons in a human brain. They do not always work in concert for the benefit of the person. What if you have developed an unnatural and unreasonable fear of loneliness? In that case, the quickest solution would be to seek professional help from a psychologist.
From your point of view, loneliness can be of two kinds:
1. Deliberate loneliness, the kind that you create for yourself by taking the steps you know are going to result in your loneliness. Creating deliberate loneliness is facing your fear.
2. Accidental loneliness, the kind that happens to you despite your best efforts to avoid it. If you recognize your accidental loneliness for what it is, you can use your accidental loneliness also, to face your fear of loneliness.
In both kinds of loneliness, keep a journal of all your thoughts and feelings while you are lonely. Read your journal later, searching for clues about what generates your fear. Once you have your list of reasons you can start to search for coping mechanisms.
The fear of loneliness can also be overcome by using anchoring techniques:
Anchoring techniques are solidly based in science. You use anchoring by getting into a state of mind in which you feel bold and confident and while you are in that state of mind you do something physical like crossing your fingers or some physical action unique to you.
Repeat that process several times. Then when you later cross your fingers, or perform your unique physical action, your mind will recall your positive, unfearful state. You use your physical step when you feel the fear and you will have found a way to deal with your fear.
There is a mental technique that...
...many people use successfully to overcome fear. This is what they do: When they feel the fear, they say silently, "Cancel, Cancel, Delete, Delete, Erase, Erase." They repeat that statement every time the fear comes up in the mind. It works quite well.
The advantages of this technique are that it is easy to learn, easy to use. A disadvantage is that you will have to use it on many, many occasions before you realize it's power. Also, it's effect is less permanent than the effect of the anchoring technique. Another disadvantage is that if you repeatedly say it aloud, people may view you as a not-normal. So, always use the statement silently.
If you find...
...your fears have come true and you have become lonely, remember that sociable actions, taken by you, are going to get you out of the situation. To get the details about the sociable actions you can take click on Start Learning the Techniques.
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