American National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
There are twelve steps out of loneliness. Even though there are only twelve steps, some lonely people presume that they are twelve EASY steps. Not true. Each step can take weeks or months to complete. As a lonely person, don'tyou have extra time on your hands that you would like to spend socializing? Until you can socialize, you could spend that same time on the twelve action steps.
Here are the twelve action stages. Are you ready? Here we go:
1. Admit you are lonely.
Step one of the twelve steps is very obvious but tough to do. It took
me ten years to admit that I was losing my hearing. We do similar things
with loneliness. As long as we don't acknowledge our loneliness we
don't have to buy hearing aids, um I mean, do something about the
loneliness. Now it is time for you to do something about admitting your loneliness first and then calling someone.
2. Do you want a friend?
Accept your first friend - Divine Intelligence, God, Yahweh, Krishna,
Buddha, whatever name you have given to that part of your life. If you
haven't given any entity such a name, come on along and make friends
anyhow. If you believe God is your enemy (how many can imagine that?)
come on along and get closer to God - keep your friends close and your
enemies closer! I knew I would get ya with that one! So if you are
ready, accept God as a friend and also email someone.
3. Learn to forgive all who have hurt you. You have to learn how to forgive all who have hurt you in the present, past and future. This step is the most important step of the twelve steps.
You know how it goes: "I'll keep the bitterness in my mind so the hurter can feel terrible, never mind what the bitterness does to my mind and body!" Unless you are a voodoo grand master you will only end up hurting yourself. If you are a voodoo grandmaster, you might end up hurting yourself too!
How can you forgive someone that is going to hurt you in the future? By deciding that you are not going to be angry with any one that hurts you. Then you can forgive them in advance, i.e. in the future. Read this sample forgiveness prayer for lonely people. Click this link to find out about the power of forgiveness and then also write letters.
4. Do you want to change the perfection? Everything is perfect as it is in the present. You have the power to affect change. If you were confident in your power to affect change you would have made everything perfect for yourself. Since you are not confident about your power to affect change or don't know about your power to affect change, everything is perfect until you decide to use your power to affect change. Once you decide to use your power to affect change in your life, you can go to Self Improvement and take the steps to change yourself for the better. This step of the twelve steps is the hardest to implement and provides most of the results.
5. You want to speak no evil. This is another thing that is hard to admit. It is hard to admit that most of the troubles in our lives are created by the words that drop out of our mouths. Start practising how to have meaningful, enjoyable, non-hurting conversations by going to Chat. Words by themselves are very powerful. Words we speak are very powerful in creating our circumstances. The first words you speak to a person you have fallen in love with, have the power to start a whole new set of happy circumstances for you. The words you continue to speak to that person have the power to maintain your happy circumstances. Words you speak also have the power to start a journey to an eventual destination of hellish circumstances.
If you want to understand how powerful your words are, read the book The Four Agreements (c) 1997 by don Miguel Ruiz, Amber-Allen Publishing. You can get it from Amazon.com You will be doing yourself a favor. When I read that book it felt as though as though a curtain had been lifted and I could see a new reality. That book is also what propelled me toward creating this website.
6. Want to hear no evil? It takes quite an effort to walk away and avoid listening to something like gossip. That is more effort than walking out of a violent movie or changing the channel on a tv show that depicts something we don't like. In all of those cases, the words we hear give rise to the words we speak. We have already foundout, in step 5 of the twelve steps, what havoc our spoken words can cause. Give yourself a chance to practise hearing no evil by finding a friend.
7. Want to see no evil? It is odd how this stage affects loneliness. It is also very difficult to do. What "see no evil" implies is that when you see a person, see only what is positive about the person. Try it by going to Singles Dating. I guess this step should be called: Want to see no ugly? What is hard to do is to balance this with your need to keep yourself secure. Which brings us to the issue of knowing how to have friends while not letting our friends cause us harm. It is a technique that has to be learned. First, we need to be clear about our sense of identity. A person has to be very clear where the person begins, where the person ends and where others begin. We already have an instinctive sense of how to keep ourselves safe.
8. Want to do no evil. You know that the Universe just reflects back to you what you are. You punch the Universe and the Universe punches you back, sometimes harder. May not be right there and then but it does punch you back. By the same token, do all good and the Universe does all good to you. At least that is how it seems to be for the majority of the 7 billion-plus of us. You be a friend to the Universe and the Universe is friendly to you. Would you find it easy to do good to your image? Find the meanest, ugliest person you can find and realize that that is how you really are. Friendships are long lasting but they are not permanent. So go ahead, take step 8 of these twelve steps and leave yourself open to friendship. Also, do some good, by creating your own website. Go ahead and be very good to the image that the Universe reflects back to you.
9. Want to analyze your loneliness? Every one's loneliness has atleast one cause. The cause of your loneliness might be that you are very self-centered and do not realize it or that you disagree with the concept of commitment, or hundreds of other possible reasons. Make a huge effort to find that cause or those causes at the center of your loneliness. It is not enough to find out which circumstances caused your loneliness. You have to find out what is it at the depth of your being that causes you to be lonely. If you cannot figure it out go to Get Help and then go and get professional help from a psychotherapist.
10. Want to lose your loneliness slowly? Find solutions to your loneliness that will work slowly. Some people have no patience for anything that works slowly. Most of all a set of twelve steps, each of which works slowly. If it works slower that the speed set by them, they don't like it and will not use it. Well, this action plan to get out of loneliness is not a GUQ (Get Unlonely Quickly). The way to do it is to join a support group. It has to do with your power to affect change. You are just learning to use that power of yours. It is quite likely that when you first start using your power to affect change, your failure rate will be high and your speed will be low. You still have to try out your powers! Don't worry, you'll get quicker as you progress.
11. You want three platonic friends. To acquire friends you have to want nothing more than what you are willing to give: friendship. Once you have acquired three platonic friends, then you will be in a position to make your play for a meaningful relationship. You will have someone to fall back upon when you get rejected in your efforts to find a meaningful relationship. Since getting out of loneliness is not a GUQ scheme, they will be your company until you find a meaningful relationship and afterward. Even when you are in a meaningful relationship you need to have some friendships outside your relationship. This is a crucial step of the twelve steps out of loneliness.
12. You want to be self reliant. Learn the techniques to acquire and maintain a solid meaningful relationship. Learn how to approach the people you could create a meaningful relationship with. Learn how to handle rejection. Study what happens in relationships. Once you have three platonic friends and a meaningful relationship, you havetaken your twelve steps out of loneliness. Now you can start working on increasing the number of your platonic friendships for you alone and for you and your mate.
Find solace in the beauty of nature.